Once upon a time in the land of Saturday Night Live, where laughter reigns supreme and absurdity is the currency of choice, Colin Jost found himself in a hilariously precarious situation. As the blunt instrument of humor, he wielded the microphone like a plastic knife at a gourmet restaurant—dangerous and delightfully ineffective. One day, the unthinkable happened: Colin had to craft jokes about none other than his wife, the stunning Scarlett Johansson. Here are 15 Colin Jost gems that not only hit hard but also left everyone gasping for breath between fits of laughter.
1. “You know, dating Scarlett is like ordering a five-course meal at a Michelin-star restaurant—just when you think you’ve had enough, she surprises you with a dessert you never knew you needed!”
2. “Scarlett claims she doesn’t like to watch her own movies. I told her it’s because she’s been typecast as the woman who always gets stuck with me on a Saturday night!”
3. “The other day, I walked in on Scarlett watching ‘Lost in Translation.’ I told her, ‘Babe, if you wanted to feel lost, just ask me to read her romantic lines while stumbling over the remote!'”
4. “People often ask what it’s like being married to an A-list actress. I say it’s like being the sidekick in a superhero movie—exciting, but I still wear the tights and get no credit!”
5. “I once tried to impress Scarlett by quoting Shakespeare. She laughed and said, ‘The only thing you should quote is our grocery list; that’s the only drama we need!'”
6. “Whenever I’m about to joke about Scarlett, I think, ‘Is this a roast, or will I end up sleeping on the couch for a week?’ Let’s just say, I’ve perfected the art of subtlety!”
7. “Scarlett is so talented that I sometimes wonder if I should audition for the role of ‘lovable, but incredibly foolish husband.’ I might even get an Oscar nod for that!”
8. “Scarlett and I were once at a charity event, and I asked her, ‘What’s a guy like me supposed to do here?’ She replied, ‘Just stand there and let me take all the camera flashes, darling!'”
9. “Whenever I mention any of Scarlett’s movies, I secretly think, if only I could get a cut for all the times I’ve heard, ‘That was my favorite role of hers!’ My favorite role is still ‘Husband of the Year!'”
10. “People say communication is key in a marriage. Well, I just use memes while Scarlett prefers to converse in multiple languages. I think she wins!”
11. “Scarlett always talks about how exhausting it is being in the public eye. I tell her I completely understand; it’s tough getting the last piece of pizza when everyone’s staring at you.”
12. “The secret to my marriage with Scarlett? Time management. I make sure to clear my schedule to watch her heroes on screen while she manages to be my number one fan!”
13. “Every time I’m tempted to make fun of Scarlett, I ask myself: ‘Is this joke worth a week of dinner at the salad bar?’ Because, trust me, that’s no laughing matter!”
14. “You might think Scarlett would be difficult to impress, but she still laughs at my dad jokes. But then again, it’s probably because she’s currently the queen of sarcasm!”
15. “Finally, after sitting through countless award shows, I realized that Scarlett is the real star. I just provide the comedic commentary—the subpar, cut-rate version, if you will!”
And there you have it! Colin Jost, the brave comedian in the shadow of a goddess, transforming everyday life into hilarity with a wink and a nudge. As the SNL audience would say, “Live from New York, it’s the marriage that makes us all laugh!”
