35 People Who Are Too Far Gone to Help

Alright, settle in folks, grab a beverage of questionable origin, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the abyss of human… endeavor. We’re talking about a collection of individuals so profoundly, spectacularly, and almost artistically lost, that even a motivational poster would just crumple up and cry.

We’ve compiled a list, a veritable rogues’ gallery of the hopelessly doomed, the 35 People Who Are Too Far Gone to Help. And let me tell you, this wasn’t easy. We had to sift through mountains of “hold my beer” moments, countless “watch this” disasters, and enough questionable life choices to fill a landfill.

Number one, for example, is Brenda. Brenda decided to “renovate” her kitchen using only glitter and those tiny, decorative umbrellas you get in tropical drinks. Now, I admire the commitment to sparkle, but her microwave now looks like a disco ball that’s having a midlife crisis, and everything smells vaguely of coconut.

Then there’s Kevin. Kevin, bless his heart, is convinced he’s a squirrel. Not just any squirrel, mind you, but a highly sophisticated, geopolitical strategist squirrel. He’s built a network of tunnels under his apartment complex, stockpiled acorns (which, by the way, he “negotiated” from the local park with threats of “nut-based warfare”), and he’s currently trying to broker a peace treaty between the pigeons and the sanitation department. I mean, the dedication is admirable, but I’m pretty sure he’s negotiating with a pinecone.

And let’s not forget about Mildred. Mildred decided to take up competitive interpretive dance. Her latest piece, “The Existential Anguish of a Paperclip,” involved her stapling herself to a bulletin board and then flailing wildly while reciting excerpts from a tax audit. The judges, bless their souls, just stared blankly, like they were watching a fever dream unfold in real time.

We’ve got people who think their cats are their therapists, who believe they can communicate with traffic lights, and one guy who’s convinced he’s invented a time machine powered by expired yogurt. The sheer, unadulterated weirdness of these individuals is breathtaking.

It’s not that we don’t want to help. It’s just… where do you even start? Do you hand Brenda a squeegee and a therapist’s business card? Do you offer Kevin a tiny, felt diplomat’s hat? Do you explain to Mildred that stapling yourself to a bulletin board is not, in fact, art?

These people are like a beautiful, chaotic train wreck, and all we can do is stand back, marvel at the sheer audacity of their life choices, and silently pray that they don’t reproduce. Because, let’s be honest, the world doesn’t need more glitter-kitchens, squirrel-diplomats, or interpretive-staple-dancers. We’re already running low on sanity as it is.

35 People Who Are Too Far Gone to Help

1. The guy who still says “YOLO” unironically in 2025.
2. The person who microwaves ice cream to “soften it” and then drinks it like soup.
3. That one friend who refuses to upgrade from an iPhone 6 because “the old charger is fine.”
4. The person who reads conspiracy theories on Facebook and thinks NASA is faking gravity.
5. Your aunt who keeps sending you Minion memes with captions that don’t make sense.
6. The man who argues with a GPS and gets mad when it wins.
7. Someone who thinks “password123” is still a secure password.
8. The coworker who reheats fish in the office microwave and then asks, “What’s that smell?”
9. A person who believes every new disease comes from 5G towers.
10. That uncle who won’t stop forwarding “Good morning” WhatsApp messages.
11. The barista who corrects you when you order a large instead of a venti like it’s a felony.
12. A person who sets 20 alarms in the morning and still oversleeps.
13. Someone who thinks drinking a Diet Coke cancels out the triple cheeseburger and fries.
14. That guy who claims he was “just resting his eyes” in the middle of a Zoom meeting.
15. A neighbor who mows the lawn at 6 AM on a Saturday like a psychopath.
16. Someone who keeps typing “LOL” in every text without actually laughing.
17. The driver who thinks their turn signal is just a suggestion.
18. A person who clicks on pop-up ads that say “Congratulations, you’ve won an iPhone!”
19. That one friend who still uses Internet Explorer… for everything.
20. A person who puts ketchup on pasta like it’s totally normal.
21. The guy who insists cargo shorts are still cool and functional.
22. Someone who tries to explain NFTs but still doesn’t understand them.
23. That person who claps when the plane lands.
24. Someone who talks on speakerphone in public—loudly.
25. The woman who brings loose change to pay for groceries during rush hour.
26. A person who runs out of gas but says “the light just came on.”
27. That one guy who actually enjoys listening to hold music.
28. A person who types out emojis instead of using actual ones.
29. The person who leaves shopping carts in random parking spots.
30. Someone who still uses Yahoo Answers (even though it’s gone).
31. The friend who asks, “Hey, what’s your Wi-Fi password?” the second they walk in.
32. A person who refuses to watch a show unless it has at least 10 seasons.
33. That one uncle who tells the same joke every Thanksgiving.
34. The person who thinks wearing AirPods makes them part of the Illuminati.
35. And finally, the guy who actually read this whole list and thought, “Wait… is this about me?”

Too far gone. We can’t save them. 😂