Periods are like horror movies—just when you think it’s over… BAM! Plot twist.
“You look tired.” Oh, thank you. That’s exactly what I was going for today. Zombie chic.
Putting on mascara without making a weird face is a superpower. If you can do it, congratulations—you’re probably not human.
Boob sizes are never consistent. In one store, you’re a B-cup. In another, you’re a D-cup. In yet another, they’re just confused and send you home with a sports bra and a prayer.
Pockets in women’s clothing are mythical creatures. When you find a dress with pockets, you must announce it to the world like you just discovered fire.
“Why do you need so many hair products?” Because my hair has moods, Brian.
Shaving your legs is like mowing the lawn. You’ll miss a spot and only notice when you’re out in public.
“Why do you take so long to get ready?” Because society has convinced me that my natural face is offensive.
Nothing hurts more than pulling a hair out of your ponytail… that is still attached to your head.
Wearing heels is a commitment. You’re fine at first, but by the end of the night, you’re hobbling like a wounded gazelle.
There’s no such thing as “just one bobby pin.” They travel in herds, and yet, somehow, they all disappear.
Bras are medieval torture devices. Taking them off at the end of the day is pure euphoria.
“Are you mad?”
“No.”
Narrator: She was, in fact, mad.Dry shampoo is the real MVP. It’s like, “I see you haven’t showered in three days. Let’s pretend you have.”
Breaking a nail is a tragedy. It’s a real loss. A moment of silence, please.
Catcalling is the worst. Oh wow, sir, I was feeling insecure, but your unsolicited opinion has truly changed my life.
“You should smile more.” You should… not speak more.
Shopping for jeans is an extreme sport. Waist fits, but the thighs are too tight. Thighs fit, but the waist could fit two people. What is this sorcery?
A messy bun is 10% hair and 90% bobby pins holding on for dear life.
Putting on eyeliner evenly is an Olympic event. One eye is sharp and fierce. The other? Looks like it lost a bar fight.
Periods show up at the worst times. Oh, you have a vacation planned? Cute. Hope you like cramps and misery.
Hair ties disappear like socks in the laundry. Where do they go? Are they starting a new life somewhere?
Finding a good foundation shade is like dating. You think it’s the right one, but then you step into different lighting, and boom—disappointment.
The moment your mom borrows your tweezers… they are gone forever.
Trying to hold in a sneeze while wearing mascara is a high-stakes gamble.
Thigh chafing is a battle only real ones understand. Summer dresses? More like thigh friction infernos.
You don’t know true frustration until you’ve tried to put a bracelet on by yourself.
“Wow, you look so different without makeup!”
And you look exactly the same without common sense.Bangs always seem like a great idea… for about 48 hours.
Tampons in public restrooms should be free. I mean, I didn’t choose this life, Susan.
A group bathroom trip is not just a trip. It’s a social event, therapy session, and gossip circle all in one.
Winged eyeliner is a lie. It doesn’t give you wings. It gives you stress.
Shaving one leg and then deciding that’s enough. It’s called efficiency.
Pajamas at 6 PM? Yes, we are living our best lives.
“Are you on your period?”
No, I’m just legitimately annoyed that you exist.
There you go—if you laughed at at least three of these, congratulations, you’re officially part of the club.
