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Funny work quotes -
Funny quotes >> Funny work quotes
HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on - This person must be fired.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it.
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
I am a friend of the workingman, I would rather be his friend than be one.
The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit.
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
No project was ever completed on time and within budget.
People are always available for work in the past tense. -Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour quotes
If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
We're not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don't think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people.
In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
I make a lot of money, but I don't want to talk about that. I work very hard and I'm worth every cent.
A bum asked me "Give me $10 till payday." I asked "When's payday?" He said "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
I don't know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don't know that she's ever had a real job - I mean, since she's been grown up.
I didn't have to work till I was three. But after that, I never stopped.
Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.
Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.
Working gets in the way of living.
I mean what good does it do anyone to kill themselves working, because the worms will get you in the end.
What do hookers do on their nights off?type?
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work sayings.
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What?s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you?d get a pulse
The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to quote another's wit.
Doing nothing is very hard to do?you never know when you?re finished.
'These are days you'll remember.' If you recall nothing else from your graduation ceremony, remember you heard the New Jersey Governor quote from 10,000 Maniacs.
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you?re on the job.
A good rule of thumb is if you?ve made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you?ve made a serious vocational error.
?If A equals success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut.?
?The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.?
?Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.?
?The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.?
?Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do?
Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.?
?Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.?
Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.?
?May you - Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching, screw like it's being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman?
?A positive attitude may not solve every problem but it makes solving any problem a more pleasant experience.?
?Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.?
?Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory.?
?Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus.?
What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us.?
?Work while it is called today, for you know not how much you will be hindered tomorrow. One today is worth two tomorrow's; never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.?
?The sum of wisdom is that time is never lost that is devoted to work.?
?Leaders aren't born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that's the price we'll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.?
?Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies.? -(French Novelist, Essayist and Playwright, 1957 Nobel Prize for Literature, 1913-1960)
The harder I work the more I live.?
?Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results.?
?Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun.?
?One must work and dare if one really wants to live.?
?Every person I work with knows something better than me. My job is to listen long enough to find it and use it.?
?We work to become, not to acquire.?
?Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life?
?The highest reward that God gives us for good work is the ability to do better?
?Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.?
?The ancient Romans had a tradition: whenever one of their engineers constructed an arch, as the capstone was hoisted into place, the engineer assumed accountability for his work in the most profound way possible: he stood under the arch.?
?Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.?
?A woman's work is never done?
?Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.?
?Surround yourself with people who take their work seriously, but not themselves, those who work hard and play hard.?
The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle!
Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses.
The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up!
A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time.
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

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