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Funny Quotes about women -
Funny quotes >> Funny Quotes about women
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
Don\'t give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can\'t wear in the evening.
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead. (Double Dynamite)
The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby.
My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures. (Alfie, 1966)
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. (Mississippi, 1935)
No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
Women... can't live with 'em... can't shoot 'em.
I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk.
How can I possibly dislike a sex to which Your Majesty belongs? (on Queen Victoria's suggestion that he disliked women)
From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
They are so afraid we shall break down, and you know the reputation of the college is at stake, for the question is, can girls get a college degree without injuring their health.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
I like my whisky old and my women young.
Women aren't as mere as they used to be.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
There are no women composers, never have been, and possibly never will be. (when asked why only male composers appeared in his repertoire)
To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.
"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied."
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde."
"One of the reasons I don't see eye to eye with Women's Lib is that women have it all on a plate if only they knew it. They don't have to be pretty either."
"When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands."
"Direct thought is not an attribute of feminity. In this, women are now centuries behind man."
"When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs."
"Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote." -Grover Cleveland, Former US President (1905)
"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man."
"Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property.
"I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute."
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
"Wild horses couldn't drag a secret out of most women. However, women seldom have lunch with wild horses."
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
"When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.
"Most women are not as young as they are painted.
"Women add zest to the unlicenced hours.
"When women go wrong, men go right after them."
"Women are nothing but machines for producing children.
"An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
"Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one.
"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
"Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself."
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often.
"My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophillia a bad name.
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
"As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own appartment."
"Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car."
"Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking."

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