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Funny Family quotes -
Funny quotes >> Funny Family quotes
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
"Don't be so humble - you are not that great." (Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat.)
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius --- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction."
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."
When his wife asked him to change clothes to meet the German Ambassador: "If they want to see me, here I am. If they want to see my clothes, open my closet and show them my suits."
"I don't believe in mathematics."
"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax."
"You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails."
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault."
"I don't want to become immortal through my work. I want to become immortal through not dying."
"I'm not afraid of dying - I just don't want to be there when it happens!"
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton.)
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
"I've never been one who thought the Lord should make life easy; I've just asked Him to make me strong."
"Good friend, always be open to the miracle of the second chance."
"What is your heaviest burden?" asked the child. "To have nothing to carry," answered the old man."
"Fear, too, is a type of faith - faith that it won't work out.
"Worry is a misuse of the imagination."
"They say marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightening."
"Let him who would move the world, first move himself."
"People of integrity make an easy target for critics because they stand upright." (Bruce and Stan in Keeping God in the Small Stuff)
"If you don't Stand For Something, you'll Fall For Anything."
?The squeaky wheel gets the grease.?
But...have you also heard,
"The nail that sticks out, gets hammered down!"
"If you're going to go through hell... I suggest you come back learning something."
"Believing in fortune cookies leads to a crummy life." (Bruce and Stan in Keeping God in the Small Stuff)
"The glory of young men is their strength, Gray Hair the splendor of the old."
"It is easier to follow your leader if you have confidence in whom your leader is following." (Bruce and Stan in Keeping God in the Small Stuff)
"Discretion: The art of being wiser than anyone else while letting no one know it."
"After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over!"
"Forbidden Fruit is the main ingredient in many Jams!"
"Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."
"The best way to destroy your enemy, is to make him your friend."
"God must love the common man, He made so many of them."
"Education costs money, but then so does ignorance."
"Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple."
"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot."
"The first step to wisdom is silence; the second is listening."
"Good communication is as stimulating as coffee, and just as hard to sleep after."
"Into God's Temple of Eternity Drive a Nail of Gold."

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