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Men one liners -
One liners >> Men one liners
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
A recent survey conducted in America showed
Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things:
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ?New Car Interior?.
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles
If you never want to see a man again, say, ?I love you, I want to marry you.
There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn?t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
he best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That?s why I never take baths.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
A genius is a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.
The quickest way to a man?s heart is through his chest.
Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
Give a man a free hand and he?ll run it all over you.
I only like two kinds of men, domestic and foreign.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Men who don?t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
Man has will, but woman has her way.
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
Men are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time?they?re gone.
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
Men are liars. We?ll lie about lying if we have to. I?m an algebra liar.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
All modern men are descended from a worm-like creature, but it shows more on some people.
There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. ?Women marry men with the hope they will change.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold and bitter.
I like my men like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.
There are two times a man does'nt understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!
A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!
Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die!
Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late
A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don?t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead
Sex? What do I know about sex? I'm a married man

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