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Only in the movies -

Category: Other Jokes>>

Only in the movies

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with 555.

Most dogs are immortal.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick?s Day parade ? at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
 

It?s easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Dinosaurs only eat ugly or immoral people.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off ? even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you
want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition ? even if you haven?t been carrying any before now.

You?re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor?s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

All single women have a cat.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

The Chief of Police is always black.

When paying for a taxi, don?t look at your wallet. As you take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by six inches.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people ? whether they are employed or not.

Kitchens don?t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
 

Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective ? or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

When the star detective gets suspended, it?s usually because he has wrecked 20 cars during a pursuit, or because he has offended the mayor.
 

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of an average football stadium.

If a killer is lurking in your house, it?s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath ? even if it?s the middle of the afternoon ? then look in your bathroom mirror and he will
suddenly appear behind you.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

Restaurant bills will always be 15% less than the amount you are holding in your hand.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant. The room will be subtly lit.

A person being pursued will always stop and throw something at the person chasing them ? even though it takes three times longer to stop and throw the obstacles than it does for
the person chasing to jump over them.


Submitted By:
Vicky

Kids Jokes , Blonde Jokes , Women jokes, yo mama jokes



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