Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but
was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse
kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in
the face.
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games
of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling,
“Bang!”
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On
July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere,
streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An
embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best
way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake
anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once
swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet
tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap
tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Chuck Norris’s warm-up
exercises.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty
principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will
roundhouse-kick you in the face.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that
wine into beer.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades
from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What
The Hell was That?”
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes
in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was
discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked
him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
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