1. Jesus loves you....everyone else thinks you're an asshole
2. Impotence....nature's way of saying " no hard feelings"
3. The proctologist called, they found your head
4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film
5. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
6. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
7. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
8. Hang up and drive!
9. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you
10. Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one
11. Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small to be out by itself
12. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me