If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still
#2?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
If love is blind, why is marriage such an eye
opener?
Why is cargo sent by ships and shipments sent by
cars?
During a flight, why do people treat those
little one ounce pretzel packets like they're something really special?
Why do banks charge a non-sufficient funds fee
when they already know there’s not enough money in your account?
Why don’t people say, “It’s Only A Game” when
they’re winning?
If the bride is pregnant, should you throw
puffed rice?
Why is the Department of Interior responsible
for everything outdoors?
Why do we turn down the car radio when searching
for our destination?
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
When two planes almost collide why do they call
it a near miss?
After using a public bathroom shouldn’t that
wimpy air hand dryer’s last instruction read, “Wipe hands on pants”?
Why don’t they give you a knife in Chinese
restaurants?
Why do people order a diet coke with their ten
thousand calorie, super sized, fast food meal?
If you get an honorary degree from a college,
does it entitle you to get an honorary job?
Why do most “reality” TV shows have absolutely
nothing to do with reality?
Why do some movie previews feel the need to show
you almost the entire movie?
Is it me, or does all Mexican food seem to be
the same, just folded differently?
Why are you always the only one in your house
that knows how to put a new toilet paper roll on the holder?
Are orthodox Jews automatically immune to the
swine flu?
How come it only rains on the days you’ve
scheduled an outside activity?
Why when men get older, do they lose hair on
their heads but grow more out of their ears and nose?
Why do people put the milk carton back in the
fridge when there’s only a teaspoon of milk left in it?
Why do people who don’t like fruit display
artificial fruit all through their house?
Why do two pound bags of uncooked popcorn cost
about two bucks in the grocery store while a handful of popcorn costs seven
bucks at the movie theatre?
Do fish get cramps after eating? How can
something be new and improved?
When standing in line at the bank, fast food, or
ticket line, why do people create two feet of imaginary space between
themselves and the person being waited on?
Does virgin wool come from ugly sheep?
Why do you get a ticket for wreck-less driving?
Why are there five syllables in the word
“monosyllabic”?
Who was the first person to eat an oyster?
Cottage cheese? Sour cream?
If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
How can you have a civil war?
If builders don’t like building a 13th floor,
why don’t authors skip chapter eleven?
Why is it that your flashlight is really just a
place to hold dead batteries?
Funny Questions & Answers
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan,
curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one
arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star
Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either
Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a
sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools
use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo
and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady
to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern
fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t.'
Q.. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A.. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the
United States
Funny Question for your Boyfriend
1) If you were a geometric shape what would you
like to be?
2) Would you like to have more relationships in
the same time?
3) If you were a bird or an animal what would
you like to be?
4) Do you like love games like master – slave,
doctor – patient, teacher – student?
5) Which is the song you can associate with my
image?
6) We are at a party and you see a nice girl
but you don’t have the opportunity to talk to her. What do you do to make
her aware that you like her, without hurting me?
7) You meet by chance a girl friend of mine at
the disco. She is very happy and she is flirting with you. What are you
doing?
8) I discovered you telling a lie to me. How do
you react?
9) We are together at night, in the mountains,
in a remote forest house. Will you wear pajamas?
10) Would you like to perform a strip-tease
number for me?
11) You are alone in my house. What will you
do?
12) What would you cook for me?\
13) Would you like to tattoo my skin for you?\
14) Would you like me to wear all the time mini
skirt or to have a generous neck opening?
15) What would you like to change about myself?
16) When will you declare your eternal love for
me?
17) What should I have to love me forever?
18) Do you have the patience to come with me
when I’m buying a dress?
19) Can you make friends easily?
20) How can you describe yourself in a
sentence?
21) Would you like to spend a night with me in
the forest?
22) What would you do if a bear came up to you
and we were together in the forest?
23) How can you imagine that forest with bears
and a girl who needs your help?
24) What flowers would you like to offer me?
25) If you saw a field full of flowers would
you pick a lot of them for me?
26) What would you do if we are on the beach
and a lot of other girls are there top less and they are friendly with you?
27) What kind of horses would you like riding?
28) Which is your favorite childhood hero?
29) Do you like to describe what you see in the
clouds?
30) Would you like to write an adventure novel
about us?
31) Do you tell your friends what we are doing
together?
32) Would you like to build a sand castle with
me on the beach?
33) Would you like to have a bath with me with
pink and yellow rose petals?
34) Would you like to have a glass of champagne
with me?
35) Would you like to make love to me on the
carpet, in front of a fireplace?
36) Would you like to be able to repair my
computer?
37) Can you tell me in a few seconds what is a
brick useful for?
38) Would you like to be together characters in
a SF movie?
39) Would you like to spend our honeymoon on a
remote island?
40) Can you find easily 10 words rhyming with
pencil?
41) Are you able to explain what have I dreamt
last night
42) Do you consider yourself a happy person
because you’ve met me?
43) Do you like answering questions to kids?
44) Would you like to imagine that I am a black
panther and you are a poor hunter?
45) Would you like to give me my breakfast in
bed?
46) Can you imagine making love to me and
eating strawberries and grapes?
47) Will you feed me with them?\
48) What would you do if you were Robinson
Crusoe?
49) What kind of music would you like to listen
to with me?
50) Do you think that we have met before, in
another life?
If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If women with big breasts work at Hooters, do people with one leg work at IHOP?
Why bugss bunny wears no clothing on his body, but puts swiming suit at the
pool?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
If you choke a smurf , what color does it turn?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong
way.
If there is an extra small and an extra large, why arent the extra mediums?
How come glues doesnt stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they put a post office box out in front of the post office? You’re
already there!
If a Poison is already expired are you going to
be killed if you drink it?
Why is it always the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that made you
angry in the first place?
Can you ever get tired of sleeping?
WHY WIVES SAY TO THEIR HUSBANDS, “MAKE SURE THE MAT RIGHT NEXT TO THE BATH TUB
DOESNT GET WET” ????
If a quiz is quizzicle what would a test be???
When you wake up in the morning you say good
morning, but if you wake up in the night would you say goodnight??
if you had a bad dream in the morning would you call it a Morningmare or
Nightmare???
When you go to the dentist why do they give you a lollipop?
if money doesn’t grow on trees,….how come banks
have branches?
Did you know that when you have a 50 percent
chance of getting something right there is a 90 percent chance you’ll get it
wrong?
Why is water wet?
Why does the sun lighten your hair but darken your skin?
If a person says “A penny for your thoughts”, and you put in your two cents, do
you get change?
Why do people say “You know what?” before telling you what “what” is?
Why is a dark room called a dark room when its not dark?
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why is it called a HAMBURGER, when it’s made out of BEEF?
Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with
real lemons?
Why is it called a classified ad if its there to let us know what there selling?
Why are they called buildings if they’ve already been built?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the
universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you
have to touch it?
How can there be self-help “groups”?
Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you
take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks
so I wondered mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others
here for?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
if it didn’t zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that
spelling it backwards is Naive?
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys
it?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time
to take the dirt out of them?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
How did a fool and his money get together?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Can you get cavities in your dentures from using too much artificial sweetner?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?
Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it
hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
What is Satan's last name?
Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked
anyway.
Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a
felony?
Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says
"Not available in all states"?
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay
at the center because of gravity?
If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for
the coffin?
If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?
Do they bury people with their braces on?
How far east can you go before you're heading west?
How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the
center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being
caught, what is the final ruling?
If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and
went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for
underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the
states.
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the
direction of a bowling ball?
If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at
IHOP?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and
everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or
smell anything like it.
If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still
considered a virgin?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a
New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has
expired?
What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and
Half?
Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto
with him?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01,
which day was he born on?
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
Can you daydream at night?
Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall
through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the
direction of the traffic?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can animals commit suicide?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered
plant?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other
doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving
on?
Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of
your home?
When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if
two MEN get married?
Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?
If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and
concerts?
Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a
hairnet?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt
refrigerated?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
Do prison buses have emergency exits?
Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in
space?
Can a black person join the kkk?
When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor
party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should
they save him?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system
test, and on 9/11 they never used it?
If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three
holes?
Who was Sadie Hawkins?
If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a
business expense?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about
putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate
Halloween?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special
features, or just the movie itself?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g.
drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?
What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been
laid. Are they pregnant?
If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it
stop to help them?
Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?
Do you yawn in your sleep?
Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?
If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was
electricuted for his last meal?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out.
Does snot come out of the piercing hole?
How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains
artificial flavorings.
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid
to have a Chapter 11?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why can't donuts be square?
Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower
you are clean?
What happens to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?
If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?
Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?
Do people in prison celebrate Halloween.... if so how?
Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they
get to work?
Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?
What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?
What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of Siamese twins? Who gets to be
king?
Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have
boys bathrooms?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
How come cats butts go up when you pet them?
What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken
out of the water at the same time?
How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?
Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of
everything outdoors?
Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it
"gels" the smell is gone?
Why are dogs noses always wet?
If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?
Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any
other situation?
Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill
from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass?
Do bald people get Dandruff?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always
white?
Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?
Can you cry under water?
Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a
dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?
If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
How come all of the planets are spherical?
How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't
just peel right off?
When a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?
Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?
Why do they put holes in crackers?
Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?
What do people in China call their good plates?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the
earth?
If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs?
Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?
Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play
anybody outside the US?
Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?
If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?
What are the handles for corn on the cob called?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?
Do your eyes change color when you die?
Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama
on the commercials?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?
If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible
that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work
anymore?
Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?
If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you
stop in the middle because of gravity?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?
On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they
were only going on a 3 hour tour?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my
driver's license?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
Why people are so scared of mice, which are much smaller than us, when no one
seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get
honey from a plastic bee?
Can bald men get lice?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to
smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you
going to be smiling?
Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something
new to eat will have materialized?
Does the postman deliver his own mail?
Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?
What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?
Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?
Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?
Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant?
How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to
keep one as a pet?
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we
normally are?
If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?
Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
Was Jesus a virgin when he died?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?'
If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing
two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane
weigh 2000 pounds more?
If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated
instead of just murdered?
Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of,
or have anythong to do with steam
